The Titanic Awards

Name Carl Hoffman
Who? Author of the new book The Lunatic Express. He is also a contributing editor at National Geographic Traveler, Wired and Popular Mechanics.  In two decades of reporting he has flown with missionaries in New Guinea and bush pilots in the Sudan and Congo, driven the Baja 1,000 and once sailed an open dinghy 250 miles over eleven days.  His three teenage children, he claims, find him boring.  You can find him online at thelunaticexpress.com.
Age 50
Countries Visited 65

Titanic Nominations
1. Worst Bus Greyhound LA to DC, the last leg of Lunatic.  Clean, on time, but like traveling through a nation of lost souls and ‘Greyhound Steak Houses (McDonald’s) – the standard luggage was plastic garbage bags.  Need I say more?
2. Worst City for Driving Dhaka, Bangladesh.  Traffic is so thick and choking you could walk across the cars faster than driving.  But then you’d have to climb over horse carts and bicycle rickshaws and auto rickshaws…
3. Worst Toilet In steerage on the Bukit Siguntang across Indonesia; two holes for every thousand people, roaches the size of half dollars scuttling past, an inch of liquid on the floor, darkness.
4. Worst Souvenir The sheepskin coat in China that was, um, not well cured.  The coroner who arrived at my door two weeks after returning home wasn’t amused.
5. Worst Ride on the Back of an Animal The reindeer on Sakhalin Island in the Russian Far East with the Oroki people.  He refused to move a muscle, so we ate him.  The raw femur marrow was pink and slippery, just like snot.

Agree or disagree with him? Take the new 2010 worst travel survey >>

Famous Travelers Carl Hoffman, lunatic express, National Geographic, popular mechanics, wired, worst

Name Jon Bowermaster
Who? Legendary National Geographic writer, filmmaker and kayaker. His TEN books include Wildebeest in a Rainstorm and Descending the Dragon and his high-def documentary “Terra Antarctica, Re-Discovering the Seventh Continent” is just released.  More at jonbowermaster.com
Age 54
Countries Visited 80+

Titanic Nominations
1. Worst Waters for Kayaking Anywhere the water temps drop below 35 degrees F … as in the Aleutian islands, where we spent five weeks. And Antarctica, where we recently kayaked the length of the Peninsula, 600 miles.  Out of the boat in those temps and you’ve got less than five minutes to live.
2. Worst Place I Spent the Night Floor of a restaurant at the literal end of the road in a Nicaraguan forest; unknowingly, we’d arrived in the last Sandinista hideaway. Machine gun fire in the middle of the night encouraged us to sleep on the floor … turned out it was the local sheriff, drunk.
3. Worst  Storm Three days stuck in a tent on the Aleutian Island of Chuginadak, 70-mph winds and non-stop rain. Or maybe it was three days stuck in a tent near the Patriot Hills, Antarctica, -35 degrees. Take your pick, both were no fun. Lot of time spent watching the tent blow down around you and pop back up … and picking lint out of velcro.
4. Worst  Overland Kayak Transport Gabon. We had an 18-mile portage through the jungle to get from river to lagoon. Unfortunately, the tires on the portage carts I’d brought with us all punctured within the first twenty four hours, which turned a day-and-a-half portage into three-and-a-half-day portage as we literally dragged the kayaks through the jungle.
5. Worst  Meal Same little Nicaraguan hell-hole. Pig, slightly cooked, with razor-sharp hairs still coating it. Once made a seven-course meal out of a goat in Samburu-land, Kenya, which was not bad except for the first course (some kind of blood sundowner) and the last (brains).

Famous Travelers Aleutian, Antarctica, jon bowermaster, kayak, kayaking, National Geographic, Wildebeest, worst storm

Name Tim Cahill
Who? Winner of a National Magazine Award and two Lowell Thomas Gold Award from the Society of American Travel Writers, Tim is one of America’s best known adventure travel writers and humorists. He’s a founding editor of Outside Magazine, where he penned the Out There column for years.  He is the author of nine books including Hold the Enlightenment, Pass the Butterworms, A Wolverine is Eating My Leg, Jaguars Ripped My Flesh, Pecked to Death By Ducks, Road Fever and Lost in My Own Backyard. His work also appears in National Geographic, National Geographic Adventure, The New York Times Book Review and other national publications. He lives in Montana.
Age 65
Countries visited About 100.

Titanic Nominations
1. Worst Name for a Night Club The Disco of the Giant Ground Sloth, Puerto Natales, Chile
2. Worst Wire Ever Tapped International call at a “Tourist” Hotel in Beijing.   Heard during a fifteen minute conversation with my wife: *Click, buzz, click*  *a heavy sigh*  *sounds of someone eating* followed by *a long satisfied belch.*
3. Worst Menu Item in an Actual Restaurant Boiled Fermented Cow’s Nose, Denpasar, Bali (there is a note on this item, in English “the flavor may not agree with some Westerners.”  True, that.)
4. Worst Outhouse The Throne of Terror, built at an archeological dig near Lake Paytexbatun, Guatemala.  Archeologists are not biologists and constructed the two holer over an existing vertical cave populated by bats. Visitors are obliged to deal the common travelers’ ailment while angry bats swoop and dive about in a maelstrom of rage.
5. Worst Traveling Companion A guy named Lazslo. No one in particular, just any guy named Lazslo.

Agree or Disagree with Tim? Take the 2010 survey >>

Famous Travelers, Favorites Bali, Beijing, Chile, Denpasar, Guatemala, National Geographic, New York Times, outhouse, Outside magazine, toilet